de leges et regulas

(Onderstaande is ‘n reeks wette, afgeleides en so meer wat ek oor die afgelope klompie jare versamel het. Ek kan getuig dat die meeste geldig is. Ek was nog nie regtig in situasies waar die ander ten sprake sou kon kom nie…)

 

Murphy’s Law

If anything can go wrong, it will.

O’Toole’s Commentary on Murphy’s Law

Murphy was an optimist.

The Unspeakable Law

As soon as you mention something . . .

. . . if it’s good, it goes away . . .

. . . if it’s bad, it happens . . .

Nonreciprocal Laws of Attraction

Negative expectations yield negative results.

Positive expectations yield negative results.

Howe’s Law

Every man has a scheme that won’t work.

Zymurgy’s First Law of Evolving System Dynamics

Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

Ettore’s Observation

The other line moves faster.

Skinner’s Constant (Flannagan’s Finagling Factor)

That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.

Law of Selective Gravity

An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Jenning’s Corollary

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Gordon’s First Law

If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

Maier’s Law

If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

Hoare’s Law of Large Problems

Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

Boren’s First Law

When in doubt, mumble.

The Golden Rule of Arts and Science

Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Barth’s Distinction

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.

Segal’s Law

A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

Ninety-Ninety Rule of Product Schedules

The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.

Farber’s Fourth Law

Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

The Peter Principle

All members in a hierarchy will rise to their own level of incompetence.

Dilbert’s Corollary

An organisation will promote their least competent employees to the level where they will do the least damage.

Dogbert’s Postulate

Management is nature’s way to remove morons from the productive flow.

O’Reillys Law of the Kitchen

Cleanliness is next to impossible.

Lieberman’s Law

Everybody lies; but it doesn’t matter, because nobody listens.

Denniston’s Law

Virtue is its own punishment.

Gold’s Law

If the shoe fits, its’s ugly.

Dilbert’s Salary Theorem

Scientists and engineers can never earn as much as administrators and sales people.

(This theorem can be proved mathematically as follows:

Given:

  • Power = Work / Time; and
  • Knowledge = Power

Substituting knowledge for power, we obtain: Knowledge = Work / Time

If time = money, then: Knowledge = Work / Money

Solving this equation for money, we obtain:

Money = Work/ Knowledge

Therefore, as knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: the less you know, the more you make. )

Handy Guide to Modern Science

If it’s green or wriggles, it’s biology.

If it stinks, it’s chemistry.

If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.

Conway’s Law

In any organisation there will always be one person who knows what is going on.

This person must be fired.

Green’s Law of Debate

Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Stewart’s Law of Retroaction

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

First Rule of History

History doesn’t repeat itself – historians merely repeat each other.

Finster’s Law

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Oliver’s Law of Location

No matter where you go, there you are.

Lynch’s Law

When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.

Glyme’s Formula for Success

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Mason’s First Law of Synergism

The one day you’d sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.

The Sausage Principle

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.

Harrison’s Postulate

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Hanlon’s Razor

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by malice.

Muir’s Law

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.

Cole’s Law

Shredded cabbage with mayonnaise.

 

Groete van huis tot huis.

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