(Onderstaande is ‘n reeks wette, afgeleides en so meer wat ek oor die afgelope klompie jare versamel het. Ek kan getuig dat die meeste geldig is. Ek was nog nie regtig in situasies waar die ander ten sprake sou kon kom nie…)
If anything can go wrong, it will.
O’Toole’s Commentary on Murphy’s Law
Murphy was an optimist.
The Unspeakable Law
As soon as you mention something . . .
. . . if it’s good, it goes away . . .
. . . if it’s bad, it happens . . .
Nonreciprocal Laws of Attraction
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
Every man has a scheme that won’t work.
Zymurgy’s First Law of Evolving System Dynamics
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
The other line moves faster.
Skinner’s Constant (Flannagan’s Finagling Factor)
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.
Law of Selective Gravity
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Gordon’s First Law
If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Hoare’s Law of Large Problems
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
Boren’s First Law
When in doubt, mumble.
The Golden Rule of Arts and Science
Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
Ninety-Ninety Rule of Product Schedules
The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time, and the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
Farber’s Fourth Law
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
The Peter Principle
All members in a hierarchy will rise to their own level of incompetence.
An organisation will promote their least competent employees to the level where they will do the least damage.
Management is nature’s way to remove morons from the productive flow.
O’Reillys Law of the Kitchen
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
Everybody lies; but it doesn’t matter, because nobody listens.
Virtue is its own punishment.
If the shoe fits, its’s ugly.
Dilbert’s Salary Theorem
Scientists and engineers can never earn as much as administrators and sales people.
(This theorem can be proved mathematically as follows:
- Power = Work / Time; and
- Knowledge = Power
Substituting knowledge for power, we obtain: Knowledge = Work / Time
If time = money, then: Knowledge = Work / Money
Solving this equation for money, we obtain:
Money = Work/ Knowledge
Therefore, as knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: the less you know, the more you make. )
Handy Guide to Modern Science
If it’s green or wriggles, it’s biology.
If it stinks, it’s chemistry.
If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.
In any organisation there will always be one person who knows what is going on.
This person must be fired.
Green’s Law of Debate
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Stewart’s Law of Retroaction
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
First Rule of History
History doesn’t repeat itself – historians merely repeat each other.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Oliver’s Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Glyme’s Formula for Success
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
Mason’s First Law of Synergism
The one day you’d sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
The Sausage Principle
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by malice.
When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
Shredded cabbage with mayonnaise.
Groete van huis tot huis.